I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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