This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
