She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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