I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So vagazzling was a success
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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