The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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