I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
