what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
