So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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