NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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