I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
