Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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