I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
