i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize