Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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