I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize