he thought i was a dude.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
