apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
