just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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