I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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