I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
