We won't sleep together?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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