I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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