So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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