K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
nut hugger
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
