dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize