What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
