Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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