If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
