Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
