after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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