eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
