I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
