So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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