I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So much rum. So many feels.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
