We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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