it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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