i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
