fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize