He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
