I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
