Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
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