Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
