Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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