Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
