I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize