do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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