hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
