He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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