My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
