Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
