If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
