i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
