chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
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