You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He? As in you personified your dick?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
