I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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