First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
