not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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