Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
