so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
