ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Randomize