He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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