I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
