Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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