12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Ketchup is God's man juice
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
