normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
