i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
