I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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