Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just cut my nipple shaving
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
