Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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