i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
