That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
