Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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